I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
