I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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