there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
