Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
