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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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• (315): View more from New York

  why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.

  (917): View more from New York City

  That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...

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