Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
