apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
