i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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