new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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