just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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