I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
