He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
