I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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