gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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