why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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