she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
