saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
