i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
