Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
