Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
