Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize