She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
