Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
