Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
