2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize