My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
