I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
