Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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