So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
