guys are not supposed to queef...right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
