I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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