Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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