this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
