I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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