Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
