you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
