theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
