Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
