News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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