have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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