I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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