Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize