afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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