its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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