just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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