I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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