I wish I only lived at night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
