I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
