Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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