Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
