remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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