I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize