we have pet lesbian snakes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
