i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
