drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
