I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
