4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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