I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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