Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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