Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
