im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
