I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
