I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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