and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is my gift to your gina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
soo... how was my night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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