new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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