Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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