No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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