She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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