i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
