He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
