**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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