It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
