K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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