haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
