Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
