saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
