Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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