My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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