I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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